Being a member of The Church of Latter-day Saints has always played a significant role in my life. It has been there since the very beginning. My parents were taught about the gospel of Jesus Christ by two Elders( missionaries) in 1991. My mom was interested from the beginning however it was a little harder to get my father into the groove of listening. However, he supported my mom and took the lessons with her. They were baptised later that year. I am forever grateful that my mom was curious to know about all the different churches and that she searched for one that she felt like she could fit into. I'm grateful to my older brother who puked all over my sister on the way up to Vermont to drop her off at the military academy,which made my parents pull over and see the sign of Joseph Smiths birthplace which was the cherry on the top for my family getting baptised.
I was the only one in my family to attend from birth you could say. My brother was only a baby when my parents and sisters joined the church. But ever since a little girl I attended church weekly. The longest I ever went without attending church would probably be 2 weeks due to camping. There were times growing up that my parents wouldn't go, but I remember running into their bedroom and waking them up and telling them we needed to go to church. Attending church was always very important to me. Even when I felt down and not in line with my choices I still made sure I got to church. I made sure I didn't do anything that would prevent me from partaking of the sacrament weekly.
I've never really thought much about how attending church at a child and all I did to make sure I attended until now. I've served a mission in England and I've shared with thousands why Sunday is the Sabbath and why attending church is so important. There is a specific member that was in my third area. She was like a mother to me. I had some of the most spiritual experiences in her home when teaching her and her family. She taught me a lot about what a testimony is and it was through teaching her that I gained such a strong testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of attending church-because of her example. I promised her that when I returned home from my mission that I would never work on a Sunday again. I had worked occasionally on Sunday's before my mission but it was only as needed. When I came home I did great. I didn't miss a Sunday. I then went to school and became what we call the Relief Society President for my ward. What an amazing calling that was! But even at a church school, you are still trying to get people to attend church on Sundays. My testimony of church attendence grew then as well.
For those of you who know that I'm working in Alaska you know that I work every Sunday. One may ask what happened to the promise that I said to Sister Martins or to all the girls in my Relief Society, or what happened to the testimony I had as a child about always attending church on Sunday and not working. I promise you it is STILL there. Coming to Alaska to work for the summer was not in my plans. It was Heavenly Fathers. And because I attended church every Sunday and put my calling in the church before my classes and my personal life the Lord was able to direct me to where He wanted me to be for the summer. And so I came. I came knowing I wasn't going to be able to attend church weekly. I came knowing it would be hard. I came out of complete faith and trust in the Lord and in my Heavenly Father.
I was able to attend my first three Sundays here in Alaska. Mother's day was the last Sacrament that I have attended. I am grateful that I was able to speak that same Sunday. But what has it been like since then? Mother's day was about 2 months ago. My Sundays unfortunately aren't separated from my normal week like they used to be. It isn't a day of rest for me. Its the busiest day for work, it's a day that I wake up, pre-trip a bus and give tours to those who come on the Radiance of the Seas and the Explorer of the Seas cruise ship. Taking them on tours and deep down hoping that they enjoyed my tour enough that I get nice tips. As I write this down, all I can think to myself is how horrible that sounds. I do when I get a break in between my tours open my gospel library and read from a general conference talk, the Sunday school lesson or from the scriptures. I do try and put the effort in but still! I feel horrible that I focus on getting tips more than the things that matter. As I have continued working on Sundays since Mother's Day, I have noticed the more I go the less patient I get, the more annoyed I am with the little things, and deep down the more depressed I feel. I've been thinking about why I feel this way. Things won't always go my way and that is okay. They aren't supposed to. I am to do my best and try my best to be the best I can, in all aspects of my life. I do say my prayers and I read my scriptures when I remember and find the time to do so. I attend church activities as much as my schedule permits and I am enrolled in the Institute program and attend every week! I make sure to hang out with those who share the same standards and if they don't I remove myself when I feel the spirit leaving. I strive to have the spirit with my always. I am active in both of my callings at church, even though I can't attend and partake of the sacrament. But why is it still so hard when I'm trying my hardest?
There is something that changes in ones life when they can't attend church. Not being able to partake of the sacrament is one of the hardest things. The Sacrament isn't just partaking of the bread and water that symbolize Christs body and blood. It is an ordinance. It is a commandment. And it allows us to start over every week as we repent of our mistakes with a sincere and willing heart. It is the time that you can remember each covenant that you have ever made with your Father in Heaven and remember them for you! When you get to renew those baptismal and temple covenants that you've made. Its a time that for at least 10 minutes you ONLY think of Christ. Where you express your utmost gratitude for all that He did for you, not just in Gethsemane but also on the roads he walked, on the Cross and even now- Because HE LIVES! HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD! HE WAS RESURRECTED AND STILL LIVES! That is something that we get to remember weekly when we partake of the Sacrament.
We can still remember these things when we don't attend church but there is something different about being in a dedicated building, a house of God, and when you are worshiping with others.
As I've been here I've noticed that I am feeling more down and down. Knowing that I will be able to partake of the Sacrament soon even if it's just for one month keeps me going. Knowing that the Lord is with my walking in the steps that I'm walking- not that he has done it already, which he has, but that he is walking with me as I am walking. Knowing that He sent me here to Alaska because He knew that I needed to be here- Thats what keeps me going when I can't partake of the Sacrament.
It's not ideal and I'm not telling those who don't want to go to church to have this frame of mind and you'll be okay because you won't! The Sacrament is special. I look up to those who go on holiday and still attend church-even if they are in a different country and don't speak the language! They still go!
I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say is it's hard not attending church. Luckily for me I am able to attend institute and hold a calling. Luckily for me I'm not attending because the Lord put me in this job. He sent me here and I know he will provide.
I know that attending church is important and I pray with all my heart for those who can't attend because of various reasons. I plead and pray for those who choose not to go because they just don't want to. I pray that they will see the difference in their lives. Its so much different when you desire to go but cant then when you blatantly choose not to go just cause. Go! I promise you will find peace! You WILL find happiness! You will find Christ and the Spirit, the Spirit that can be with you always.
For those of you who aren't members of the church. I encourage you to find out for yourselves if what I say is true. Ask the missionaries, ask me, ask God! visit mormon.org
I love you all. This has been weighing a lot on my mind and I'm grateful I was able to put it into words and that I am able to share it with the world!
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