What is Church to me?

Being a member of The Church of Latter-day Saints has always played a significant role in my life. It has been there since the very beginning. My parents were taught about the gospel of Jesus Christ by two Elders( missionaries) in 1991. My mom was interested from the beginning however it was a little harder to get my father into the groove of listening. However, he supported my mom and took the lessons with her. They were baptised later that year. I am forever grateful that my mom was curious to know about all the different churches and that she searched for one that she felt like she could fit into. I'm grateful to my older brother who puked all over my sister on the way up to Vermont to drop her off at the military academy,which made my parents pull over and see the sign of Joseph Smiths birthplace which was the cherry on the top for my family getting baptised.
I was the only one in my family to attend from birth you could say. My brother was only a baby when my parents and sisters joined the church. But ever since a little girl I attended church weekly. The longest I ever went without attending church would probably be 2 weeks due to camping. There were times growing up that my parents wouldn't go, but I remember running into their bedroom and waking them up and telling them we needed to go to church. Attending church was always very important to me. Even when I felt down and not in line with my choices I still made sure I got to church. I made sure I didn't do anything that would prevent me from partaking of the sacrament weekly.
I've never really thought much about how attending church at a child and all I did to make sure I attended until now. I've served a mission in England and I've shared with thousands why Sunday is the Sabbath and why attending church is so important. There is a specific member that was in my third area. She was like a mother to me. I had some of the most spiritual experiences in her home when teaching her and her family. She taught me a lot about what a testimony is and it was through teaching her that I gained such a strong testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of attending church-because of her example. I promised her that when I returned home from my mission that I would never work on a Sunday again. I had worked occasionally on Sunday's before my mission but it was only as needed. When I came home I did great. I didn't miss a Sunday. I then went to school and became what we call the Relief Society President for my ward. What an amazing calling that was! But even at a church school, you are still trying to get people to attend church on Sundays. My testimony of church attendence grew then as well.
For those of you who know that I'm working in Alaska you know that I work every Sunday. One may ask what happened to the promise that I said to Sister Martins or to all the girls in my Relief Society, or what happened to the testimony I had as a child about always attending church on Sunday and not working. I promise you it is STILL there. Coming to Alaska to work for the summer was not in my plans. It was Heavenly Fathers. And because I attended church every Sunday and put my calling in the church before my classes and my personal life the Lord was able to direct me to where He wanted me to be for the summer. And so I came. I came knowing I wasn't going to be able to attend church weekly. I came knowing it would be hard. I came out of complete faith and trust in the Lord and in my Heavenly Father. 
I was able to attend my first three Sundays here in Alaska. Mother's day was the last Sacrament that I have attended. I am grateful that I was able to speak that same Sunday. But what has it been like since then? Mother's day was about 2 months ago. My Sundays unfortunately aren't separated from my normal week like they used to be. It isn't a day of rest for me. Its the busiest day for work, it's a day that I wake up, pre-trip a bus and give tours to those who come on the Radiance of the Seas and the Explorer of the Seas cruise ship. Taking them on tours and deep down hoping that they enjoyed my tour enough that I get nice tips. As I write this down, all I can think to myself is how horrible that sounds. I do when I get a break in between my tours open my gospel library and read from a general conference talk, the Sunday school lesson or from the scriptures. I do try and put the effort in but still! I feel horrible that I focus on getting tips more than the things that matter. As I have continued working on Sundays since Mother's Day, I have noticed the more I go the less patient I get, the more annoyed I am with the little things, and deep down the more depressed I feel. I've been thinking about why I feel this way. Things won't always go my way and that is okay. They aren't supposed to. I am to do my best and try my best to be the best I can, in all aspects of my life. I do say my prayers and I read my scriptures when I remember and find the time to do so. I attend church activities as much as my schedule permits and I am enrolled in the Institute program and attend every week! I make sure to hang out with those who share the same standards and if they don't I remove myself when I feel the spirit leaving. I strive to have the spirit with my always. I am active in both of my callings at church, even though I can't attend and partake of the sacrament. But why is it still so hard when I'm trying my hardest?
There is something that changes in ones life when they can't attend church. Not being able to partake of the sacrament is one of the hardest things. The Sacrament isn't just partaking of the bread and water that symbolize Christs body and blood. It is an ordinance. It is a commandment. And it allows us to start over every week as we repent of our mistakes with a sincere and willing heart. It is the time that you can remember each covenant that you have ever made with your Father in Heaven and remember them for you! When you get to renew those baptismal and temple covenants that you've made. Its a time that for at least 10 minutes you ONLY think of Christ. Where you express your utmost gratitude for all that He did for you, not just in Gethsemane but also on the roads he walked, on the Cross and even now- Because HE LIVES! HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD! HE WAS RESURRECTED AND STILL LIVES! That is something that we get to remember weekly when we partake of the Sacrament. 
We can still remember these things when we don't attend church but there is something different about being in a dedicated building, a house of God, and when you are worshiping with others.  
As I've been here I've noticed that I am feeling more down and down. Knowing that I will be able to partake of the Sacrament soon even if it's just for one month keeps me going. Knowing that the Lord is with my walking in the steps that I'm walking- not that he has done it already, which he has, but that he is walking with me as I am walking. Knowing that He sent me here to Alaska because He knew that I needed to be here- Thats what keeps me going when I can't partake of the Sacrament. 

It's not ideal and I'm not telling those who don't want to go to church to have this frame of mind and you'll be okay because you won't! The Sacrament is special. I look up to those who go on holiday and still attend church-even if they are in a different country and don't speak the language! They still go! 

I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say is it's hard not attending church. Luckily for me I am able to attend institute and hold a calling. Luckily for me I'm not attending because the Lord put me in this job. He sent me here and I know he will provide. 

I know that attending church is important and I pray with all my heart for those who can't attend because of various reasons. I plead and pray for those who choose not to go because they just don't want to. I pray that they will see the difference in their lives. Its so much different when you desire to go but cant then when you blatantly choose not to go just cause. Go! I promise you will find peace! You WILL find happiness! You will find Christ and the Spirit, the Spirit that can be with you always. 

For those of you who aren't members of the church. I encourage you to find out for yourselves if what I say is true. Ask the missionaries, ask me, ask God! visit mormon.org 

I love you all. This has been weighing a lot on my mind and I'm grateful I was able to put it into words and that I am able to share it with the world!

Whats it like in Juneau?

Alaska has been amazing these last few months. I have been here in Juneau now for 2 months and a few weeks. Friends have been made and I have grown to love Juneau so much that I don't really want to leave Juneau in September. The friends that I have been able to gain here will last a lifetime. That is the only thing that gets me through the day when I think that in just two and a half months I will be leaving them and heading back to Rexburg, Idaho. Having a job is also pretty nice and I don't think I'm ready to be unemployed again.

So what is it like being a dispatcher, and driver/guide. Its quite different than working at Busch Gardens Williamsburg.  I work with cruise ships and bus drivers and then hundreds of tourists every day. I will say I enjoy both jobs and I do both about equally but I have always enjoyed working with people and tourists to be exact. That's why  you could say I've only ever worked in the tourism industry. Driving days are the days I can't wait for. But only because I love sharing stories all about Juneau with those I get to give tours to and I love driving a 40 foot by 8 1/2 feet wide bus.

Some days come with good passengers and others come with not the nicest. Being a women driver has its negatives according to some people. My very first day driving I was criticized on my driving because I was a woman. This is not something that any female driver should go through. Luckily I have only had to experience that one time. The amazing passengers that I have that compliment and say that they enjoyed their time with me is what keeps me going when I'm having a rough day. I guess you can say that Words of Affirmation is probably my love language. haha. But it is always nice to hear from passengers that your tour is really good and that they enjoyed the experience they had. I've had passengers come up to me and say they wished I could of gone on the tour with them. Having these wonderful experiences with people from all over the world makes life wonderful. I can only take each day as it comes. One day at a time. I have to keep reminding me that tomorrow is another day and that if I let each day define the others then I won't enjoy my time here in Juneau.

The friends that I spoke of at the beginning have helped me to realize that I came to Juneau for a reason. I am still continuing to find that reason but I know that I am supposed to be here. I know that I am to learn something from this summer and it will be from the people I love the most. I'm grateful for this time that I have to be a dispatcher, driver and guide..

Solutions or Problems? Which do we focus on?

"Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems"

                                                 -Anthony J. D'Angelo

This quote sat heavy on me today. As I sat in institute, which is a religion study class that I am currently enrolled in, I thought about how much I focus on the problems rather than the solutions. We all have had problems in our life and we are all trying to overcome them. But do we really focus more on the problems rather than the solution. I know I do. I always focus more on the negative than I do on the positive and the outcome. I've done that just this evening with an experience that I had. But does that really make me happy? No.

Life comes and it goes. Why are we so worried about the future? What should we worry about in the future? I will say we should worry about certain aspects of the future, but not all. The things we need to worry about are where are we going and what are we doing in this life to get there? Am I doing everything I can to make it back to my Heavenly Father? Am I working my hardest to have the spirit in my life everyday? Am I saying my prayers? Am I reading my scriptures every day like I should? These are the things that I should be worrying about. Not the problems that come up day by day. Focus on the solutions. there is a solution to every problem within the Gospel. And I'm grateful that I can turn to the scriptures and find those answers within.

Never give up, Keep going. Keep reading. Keep turning to the Lord. Focus on time rather than problems. Realize what is important in life and you WILL be happy!

Alaska Bound

I'm not a blogger and I'm not one to share everything i'm feeling with the whole world.However, for some reason I have this feeling that I need to start a blog and share my thoughts and experiences with everyone who will read. So why don't I give a little background about myself. I am twenty-two years old, I am originally from Virginia, currently live in Alaska but I call Rexburg, Idaho home as that is where I am for most of the year. My family is the most important thing in my life besides the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am currently a dispatcher and a part time driver/guide for Alaska Coach Tours. I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the England Leeds Mission. I have currently been home for just over a year. But this blog is about what I feel can make an impact. 

Coming to Alaska was a risk. It was a stepping stone that I felt like would make or could possibly break me. It was something that I didn't know what the outcome would be. I had no idea what to expect. I've moved away from home- halfway across the United States, I've served an eighteen month mission in England. Why was Alaska so hard, why so scary? I learned on my mission that I am terrified of the unknown- but what most of us don't realize is that there is NEVER an unknown in our lives. We know exactly where we are going. 

Today I had the opportunity to meet with the Elders here in Juneau. They decided to do some practice teaching but whether they realize it or not, hearing the lesson of The Plan of Salvation from the missionaries and remembering all the times that I did exactly that was just what I needed. I went out and shared the greatest Plan that we have been offered. As I listened I was reminded who I really am. I am a daughter of someone mightier than any one on this earth. I am a daughter of God. I have heavenly parents who want me to be the happiest I can be. I was reminded that I didn't just come to this earth from no where. I have a spirit that existed before I came to this earth but out of everything while I am here on this earth I know I will make mistakes! I am not perfect! I will NEVER be perfect in THIS life. But one day I will be. But because I am not now I can grow and get closer each and every day by applying the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The Atonement has made me who I am today. It is the greatest blessing my Father in Heaven has given me. I have a second chance every single day of my life to set things straight with my Father in Heaven.  Actually I have been given every second of my life to make things right. I have a great opportunity, well actually we all do, to stand in front of Jesus Christ and to rejoice with all the good we have done in our life. I can't wait for that day when I can look at Christ in the eyes and say "I made a lot of mistakes but I did all I could to make those mistakes right!" 

Being in Alaska has had its struggles, but the thing that has kept me going and remembering that I came here for a purpose. I still don't know what that purpose is but I do know that every day I get a closer glimpse. I know that I am here to learn from those around me, to come closer in a way I never thought I could to my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ, but not just to them, to myself as well. Taking the chance and coming to Alaska has been hard but it has been the best thing I could do at this point in my life. 

Like I said I don't know why I am supposed to write this blog but I hope that it inspires all those who read it!

Love always, 

Kourtney